Nerd of the Year Award

Ok, I consider myself technically literate and pretty handy with a screwdriver in the right circumstances. I can talk acronym soup with the best of them. The term "nerd" is considered a badge of honor in my dictionary. It goes without saying that this next story is the paragon of nerdiness, the paramount proof of nerddom. Can you tell that in my heart I'm jealous of this dude's skzillz?

A fellow calling himself TheRealPfhreak, recently uploaded a video of the game that his girlfriend was playing called Chrono Trigger. Unbeknown to her, he had hacked the game to create a special mountain just for her to explore. As she traveled up the mountain it relived their special moments together culminating with a visit by a knight in shining armor that proposed to her by name. As she turned to him to ask how the game knew her name, he was down on one knee with with a ring in hand. Her first words were "You are such a nerd."

Her next word was "Yes".

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Piglet Squid

The world is full of the strange and amazing, something that Mr Spanky thrives on. There are days when what you see and learn about this little blue and green ball of dirt just makes you feel like a mote of dust in the wide expanse of the universe. A pimple on a flea on the rear end of the dog star Sirius. A mite between the toes of the grand elephant Noogoo who flies through the galaxy by sounding his great trunk of ion propulsion. Or something like that.

Then there are days where creation just shows you that it doesn't take itself seriously. Enter the Piglet Squid. This avocado-sized cephalapod was discovered by the Cabrillo Marine Aquarium in San Pedro, CA in 2006. It's official name is Helicocranchid squid but that's not nearly as fun as its common name. It looks like it got a hair cut at Mr. Spanky's barber, after the barber had an all nighter and didn't have any coffee, and still had those little sandy bits in the corner of his eyes that made it difficult to see, not to mention the hand tremor caused by a headache that is pounding like the incessant beat of a Taiko drum operated by a sweaty little guy hyped up on too many CocaColas. But I digress.

I'm sure the girls that see Mr. Piglet here will want to take him home and cuddle him (although you would need to be 330 feet underwater in order to do so). The boys are still figuring out what would happen if you dropped him like a water balloon off the school roof onto their math teacher. Tentacles, slime, squid juice, and algebra just don't mix.

Enjoy the press release.

Your Very Own Roman Siege Engine

On the list of Things-That-Mr Spanky-Wants-To-Own-But-Just-Doesn't-Have-The-Money-For there is a new entry. In Roman times, when you were upset with a neighboring city or just wanted to conquer a town in Gaul you would work with your army and build several siege engines. These were large machines designed to hurl enormous stones at high velocities and generally cause a lot of havoc. Sort of today's version of a cruise missile but much less expensive. Recently, some enterprising souls built their very own gigantic ballista and threw around these stones and then decided that they needed the garage space and so they are selling it on eBay! Phunkidz, this is opportunity knocking. Although my wife might disagree, I definitely know that I could use one of these. It's a man thing.

• Neighbors playing rock music at 2am and carrying on? No problem.
• Bully down the street picking on kidz? Covered.
• Mr Sanchez's cat leaving doo doo on your front lawn? Bring it on.

Of course, Mr. Spanky is only jesting. It is never a good idea to throw large rocks via ballista at your neighbors and fellow human beings. Especially if you are going to get caught. The ballista is not exactly a streamlined getaway vehicle.



Link to Ballista Video

There are some great scenes in the Lord of the Rings trilogy that show siege engines at work. I highly recommend that you watch for the trebuchets mounted on the walls of Gondor as they hurl large chunks of masonry out into the orc armies and squish them like little pesky ants. Excellent movies.

Arrrrr: talk like a Pirate

Kidz, 

This Friday, September 19th, is "International talk like a Pirate" day. This historic holiday was invented by John Baur (Ol' Chumbucket) and Mark Summers  (Cap'n Slappy), and popularized by humor columnist Dave Barry.

Celebrate by wearing an eyepatch, donning a peg leg, or teaching your parrot to say "Keelhaul! Keelhaul!". I don't recommend taking a hook, sword, pistol, or cat o' nine tails to school, though. The establishment frowns on this sort of thing and if it gets out that Mr Spanky planted this thought in your Phun-filled mind then I'll never hear the end of it.

If you're having trouble with your "Arrr!", "Ye scurvy bilge rat!", or "Swab the poopdeck, me hearty!" I recommend that you get professional help. The folks over at Wikihow have an extensive tutorial that is mandatory if you want to avoid embarrassment. 

If you're a fan of Instant Messaging, the folks over at Meebo will make things easy for you. Simply log in to your IM account through Meebo and then type "pirateon" to start. It will handily translate your banal messages into fearsome Pirate Speak. 

Remember to growl and scowl often!

P.S. Post-it note cartoon by Doug Savage's brilliant Savage Chickens.

Squirrel Melts

Here's a great piece on how to live off the land. Are those pesky squirrels harassing you day and night? Is their chittering driving you insane? Here's how you can have your peace and a snack for the big game.

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I love it when she says "let's put his cute little butt in there" as she tosses the squirrel into the pot.

You should also know that squirrels are good for putting out forest fires and protecting your beer. Don't pull the trigger too soon.

Stop Motion Animation: Spaghetti Western

My loyal readers know that as small things amuse small minds so does the wacky and crazy amuse Mr Spanky. 

This is whimsical piece of stop motion animation. It's a very laborious art where each frame of a film has to be set up, photographed, and then the next frame set up, etc. You may have seen this technique in movies like Wallace and Gromit where clay is used for the actors. 

In this 1 minute 41 second film, this means that at roughly 20 frames per second, we're looking at 20 x 101 = 2,020 different scenes. Ouch! Let's assume that each frame shot takes 20 seconds (or more) to set up, that is, move things into the scene, re-arrange them, take a practice photo, and then a final shot. If that's the case, then this movie took approximately 11-12 hours just to shoot. That most likely doesn't include the time to think up this gem, try out some ideas, and final finishing. One word here: dedication.

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Itsy Bitsy Spider

Simulation is the cure for all fears! This is for MA. A virtual spider to help eradicate her arachnophobic hysteria. I enjoyed setting the slides all the way to the right or left to see what happened to the tarantula. Also check out the "Something for Cats?" link on the left-hand side.

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