Your Very Own Roman Siege Engine

On the list of Things-That-Mr Spanky-Wants-To-Own-But-Just-Doesn't-Have-The-Money-For there is a new entry. In Roman times, when you were upset with a neighboring city or just wanted to conquer a town in Gaul you would work with your army and build several siege engines. These were large machines designed to hurl enormous stones at high velocities and generally cause a lot of havoc. Sort of today's version of a cruise missile but much less expensive. Recently, some enterprising souls built their very own gigantic ballista and threw around these stones and then decided that they needed the garage space and so they are selling it on eBay! Phunkidz, this is opportunity knocking. Although my wife might disagree, I definitely know that I could use one of these. It's a man thing.

• Neighbors playing rock music at 2am and carrying on? No problem.
• Bully down the street picking on kidz? Covered.
• Mr Sanchez's cat leaving doo doo on your front lawn? Bring it on.

Of course, Mr. Spanky is only jesting. It is never a good idea to throw large rocks via ballista at your neighbors and fellow human beings. Especially if you are going to get caught. The ballista is not exactly a streamlined getaway vehicle.



Link to Ballista Video

There are some great scenes in the Lord of the Rings trilogy that show siege engines at work. I highly recommend that you watch for the trebuchets mounted on the walls of Gondor as they hurl large chunks of masonry out into the orc armies and squish them like little pesky ants. Excellent movies.

Make Your Very Own Mini-Catapult

You've heard me talk about ballistae before and other much larger siege engines. Ones that you'd want to launch pianos, dead farm animals, and large chunks of masonry from. Despite Mr. Spanky's penchant for the large and destructive today he focuses on the small cool and annoying. But still it's all about siege engines and specifically the catapult.

I really like the Instructables web site: people post things that they actually make with their own two hands, which is an art lost here in our shrink-wrapped bargain store consumer oriented society. This instructable is the step-by-step guide to creating your own mint-launching catapult. The materials are simple: Altoids tin, coat hanger, rubber bands, electrical tape, small piece of cardboard, measuring or other plastic spoon, paint, wire cutters, hot glue, scissors, and pliers. You can find them around the house. The tools you can find in Dad's toolbox and he won't mind if you use them AS LONG AS YOU PUT THEM BACK AFTERWARDS YOU LITTLE TROLL!

Sorry. It's a touchy point. Mr. Spanky's son has been known to leave a trail of discarded valuable tools all over the place like crumbs in a Hansel and Gretel story when he works on his projects. IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT HE CLEANS IT UP, RIGHT? RIGHT?!!!

Link